Reindeer.

I have a interview witha lady at UCFV on Friday! I am a little nervous. *grins*

Anyway here is some of my reindeer I made yesterday!

Dear God, be good to me. The sea is so wide and my boat is so small.

"Better Days"
And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
And it's someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child that saved this world
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them
So take these wordsAnd sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fightJ
ust a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these wordsAnd sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

"Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to me." Matthew 25:40

The past days have been extremly stressful. I don't take an overactive life very well. On the good side, my health is a lot better. I got a BootCamp Kickboxing Dvd from my mom. So soon I'll get back into my kickboxing. *smile*
My brother is going in for neuropsychological assessment. He (brother) mentioned that his scoliosis is bothering him too, I hope all goes well. :(
Yesterday was an awkward day. Not so much awkward, but my choice of words could of really been suckered up to a minimum. I got angry at a different brother and I called him an ass-hole. Yes. I felt horrible about it. I didn't help it. I rarely do. *gah*I did go and apologize, and he was willing to explain why he was so angry. It didn't have anything to do with me, which made me feel better. It is one of those area's where I can't do anything to make it better, but I can make it worse. At least that feels like how it goes.

I can smell snow, or the smell that accompanies it. *gleeful*
I think I'll see if I can get working on some of my letters and pull out my music for a while before school. I need to study up on Fascism and some older dynasties as well. (c2575-2130 B.C.) Then off about PNS (Peripheral Nervous System, then of course CNS as well. )

To avoid criicism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. ~`Elbert Hubbard-

I tend to not like criticism. I like to be right. For me, that doesn't happen very often. I always assume people are trying to put me down to get themselves up higher,( given time to think I know this is an angry irrational momentary thought.) or it just reminds me of what a slum of a person I can lower myself to being. A sinner. It isn't pretty being one.

I love my little brother. Today we went out and I raked lots of leaves. We made forts out of maple leaves,and I threw him into the big heaps we made. The supreme joy of him having fun, living in the moment made me think of how much I could be like this. I could enjoy what I have been given. I could take everything that comes forth and see how to make the best out of it. "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. " Wayne Gretzky-
You learn by trying. Another one by Joseph Roux is "God often visits us, but most of the time we are not at home." Where are we? Then when it seems God is distant, I realize it was me all along.
The whole thought where my life revolves around what I do, what I want to be, what I go through, starts to feel sickening. If I follow God all will be fine. God looks at the heart of our actions. I think this sometimes means that if we do something because we believe it is right, and suppose it isn't, God will know and not put that against us. I don't know what this is called.

I need not worry, or fret. What is the worst that can be done to me since God is for me?

Applesauce Wins.

I am in so much pain today. My bach is aching and it hurts to sit, and hurts to get up and walk. I don't want to hear what he has to say. *sigh* It is kind of funny. I can not remember what I was doing up in the middle dancing for anyway. The feeling afterwords, when smashing onto the floor, and the crack-*shudder* Made me almost sworn from doing any jumping, then it resided and I wanted to get up and do it again before I felt too afraid again.

I went and cemented tiles into the floor then puttied them in. I didn't do the best for cement clean up unfortunately, but it looks pretty darn good anyway. My little brother and me played. I ate, did homework. Drove to the store, came home made dinner. Talked to a couple people on the phone..went out and later picked up brother from friends. The nicest part was on my way to picking up my brothers, and being able to sing, sing by myself. Feeling more like my own person or the person I want to be.

The other parts I like was the good customer service I got from one guy at Tim Hortons. I rarely go there. The coffe is extremly mild. *bleh* (Boss loves boston Creams. ) The ladies practically ignored me standing there waiting as they chatted, and the 'new' guy bent over backwords to be nice, as they just stood talking. He was asking for help but they practically ignored him. That bothers me. His good work ethic was noticable and I appreciated it.

I also got to talk to people I wanted to today. I suppose I must have people in my life, who like hearing from me ocassionally, not all the time, but every once and a while. Enough so I am good to hear from, but not enough to where my annoying side begins to come out a bit more then wanted. *grin* (when I start talking twice as much as the other person too.) I have some people like that lately, one of which belittles me but kind of holds on to my jacketpocket to be liked when I start ignoring him. Hearing from positive people has been so uplifting. I learnt that I should appreciate these things and maybe change my attitude when people I don't want to talk to me want to say things to me. I should be more understanding, or at least have a better heart in it.

Church wise, I am losing it once again. Yes. This makes me cry. I pray, I don't know what to do.
I love many people from my church, but the church doesn't care very much about newcomers or anything. It doesn't reach out to the lost, in come along situations. They need great "large" meetings to even start that! Ah, my attitude is getting worse as I dwell on it. I am getting sarcastic.

I was choosen to be a leader at my church at the ripe age of 18, with less then 10 months of being a member. I took the course, learnt how the church expected me to behave and to not be an abuser. Got my record checked etc. NO ONE DISCIPLED ME AT ALL! Why would they do that? They have no idea what type of person I would be to these people that I could effect for the rest of their lives? Don't they want to know? Heck, I couldn't be a christian for all they knew, but that is regardless, we can never be sure if anyone is one besides ourselves. That bothers me, exceedingly. I am starting to feel like I don't identify with my youth, and feeling like something is wrong with me. I reach out, and try so hard, and a glimps of light happens, but then I realize it wasn't what I thought it was. It was a give-me- take situation.

James 2:12-13 Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgement without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgement!

Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

It starts before this verse, concerning speech in verse 25.^^^

James 19-26 "19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent, and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it— he will be blessed in what he does. If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

I was in a very foul mood this morning. I felt belittled by someone, and the remarks of being told my bad characteristics. I am becoming a shrew, babbler, and a person who only does things for people if I get benefits from doing so. I have an incredible dislike of being told my own wrongs. I was in need of praying hard, as I was very angry and resentful. All of what the person concerned said, was true, and I am horrified, I am in a better state of mind to agree, and pray over it.

Shrew-an offensive term for a woman who is regarded as quarrelsome, nagging, or ill-tempered.

Blabber-to chatter in a mildly incoherent way.

James is a very good book in the bible. In this book it is explaining how a christian should act. I know sometimes this book is used in a very controversial way, since it does stress about good works. I think too many go and take it out of context or at least take extremes with ideas, opinions. (me included) It is like in this verse in James.. *smile* "What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds?'' James 2:14 For all our theological views, it could be so easy to forget all about living out our lives. (This is me thinking.) I don't think I can be saved by my actions, but they do speak volumes to others, and show what type of person I am.
My wants for this upcoming week is to work on my speech, as a lot of what I say is useless and rather negative, I was talking to someone very special in my life, and she reminded me that if I pray and ask God, he will give me wisdom. I will. When I get the time I'll look for the verse(s) she was referring to.