Applesauce Wins.

I am in so much pain today. My bach is aching and it hurts to sit, and hurts to get up and walk. I don't want to hear what he has to say. *sigh* It is kind of funny. I can not remember what I was doing up in the middle dancing for anyway. The feeling afterwords, when smashing onto the floor, and the crack-*shudder* Made me almost sworn from doing any jumping, then it resided and I wanted to get up and do it again before I felt too afraid again.

I went and cemented tiles into the floor then puttied them in. I didn't do the best for cement clean up unfortunately, but it looks pretty darn good anyway. My little brother and me played. I ate, did homework. Drove to the store, came home made dinner. Talked to a couple people on the phone..went out and later picked up brother from friends. The nicest part was on my way to picking up my brothers, and being able to sing, sing by myself. Feeling more like my own person or the person I want to be.

The other parts I like was the good customer service I got from one guy at Tim Hortons. I rarely go there. The coffe is extremly mild. *bleh* (Boss loves boston Creams. ) The ladies practically ignored me standing there waiting as they chatted, and the 'new' guy bent over backwords to be nice, as they just stood talking. He was asking for help but they practically ignored him. That bothers me. His good work ethic was noticable and I appreciated it.

I also got to talk to people I wanted to today. I suppose I must have people in my life, who like hearing from me ocassionally, not all the time, but every once and a while. Enough so I am good to hear from, but not enough to where my annoying side begins to come out a bit more then wanted. *grin* (when I start talking twice as much as the other person too.) I have some people like that lately, one of which belittles me but kind of holds on to my jacketpocket to be liked when I start ignoring him. Hearing from positive people has been so uplifting. I learnt that I should appreciate these things and maybe change my attitude when people I don't want to talk to me want to say things to me. I should be more understanding, or at least have a better heart in it.

Church wise, I am losing it once again. Yes. This makes me cry. I pray, I don't know what to do.
I love many people from my church, but the church doesn't care very much about newcomers or anything. It doesn't reach out to the lost, in come along situations. They need great "large" meetings to even start that! Ah, my attitude is getting worse as I dwell on it. I am getting sarcastic.

I was choosen to be a leader at my church at the ripe age of 18, with less then 10 months of being a member. I took the course, learnt how the church expected me to behave and to not be an abuser. Got my record checked etc. NO ONE DISCIPLED ME AT ALL! Why would they do that? They have no idea what type of person I would be to these people that I could effect for the rest of their lives? Don't they want to know? Heck, I couldn't be a christian for all they knew, but that is regardless, we can never be sure if anyone is one besides ourselves. That bothers me, exceedingly. I am starting to feel like I don't identify with my youth, and feeling like something is wrong with me. I reach out, and try so hard, and a glimps of light happens, but then I realize it wasn't what I thought it was. It was a give-me- take situation.