"Me, me, me, I love myself. I have my own little picture on my shelf."

My name is Adri. My first crime was when I was eighteen. I like thinking I
am unique. I definitely like individualism and feel pride on the fact that many people would never link me to doing what I do. I was never noticed my whole life, I’m not loud vocally or declare my emotions through facial expressions, It just isn’t me. I am fairly ugly, not hideous mind you, just not notably. I also appear dumb. I know this because I have seen it to be true when I look in the mirror. Sometimes people who seem like retards get negative attention but I never did.

I craved attention. I wanted to be noticed badly. What was life worth if I did not
get anything? It would be better if I were dead and since we are all going to die anyway, life is expendable. In a hundred years you will be no more. Many people believe life is sacred, I do not. I think it is better to of not lived then to be someone who has dealt with hell all their lives.

So…how do you become a criminal without letting you identity become known?
I was silent, observant and even my performance of self behaviour was well acted on.
Once I started getting into serious crime, it was hard to stop. It became an addiction. It is so easy to kill. I liked hearing about a murder and knowing I was the one who was the murderer. I was being noticed finally. You would probably consider me cold, sick, and selfish. I don’t mind because that just shows that I am really something. Why should standards matter? I see no point, so I do what I like. I killed a guy I saw in the field for my first crime. He was dumb, outside in the dark all by himself, so I stabbed him over and over again. I enjoy the feeling of having done something many people haven’t done. It makes me feel powerful. Then it gets worse, and I get sloppy in my desire to kill, and I become obsessed.

Last night I killed my mother. I hated my mother my whole life. The one
person in the whole world who should have noticed me my whole life did not. She didn’t pretend to notice me because she didn’t like me or anything, which would have been bearable So… she is dead. She is lying on the floor. I put arsenic in her drink. I know I will be found out now. There is no way to not be found out and not be sent to jail, so since life is expendable here is my end.

~This short story that I had to do a week ago was a bit of a mistake as I misunderstood the teachers directions, and the teacher was a creeped out and I ended getting talked to. I recieved a fine mark anyway. This story was pulled out of the hat. Which makes for some of the weak writing- arsenic is so not imaginative, but then the character isn't as much so as she thinks.

I found this- it is unbelievable. Last year. Oh my.
I just want to put it here as I am deleting everything.
(Katie, I forgot that you even read in here or that anyone knows about it, it seems so nice and quiet, and I like it. You have seen this before I think.)

It is 8pm, a clear Wednesday.
Our family has been busy, going to and frow.
Me, well I was dictating how I wanted things.
My mom wanting to be bratty woman right back at my bratty brother. [/mom words *solemn*]
Brother #3 leading a game compaign and talking in a Game programming chat room.
The other, brother #2, playing a 2-D PC game.
The bratty brother #4, tucked in bed-5 minutes previously-no longer in bed, laughing hysterically at a up-pulled bed cover.
My father, consuming a peanut butter sandwich after a busy work day-

- and it is decided, we need a family day.

We blare t.v. and all PCs volume to max. Turn on the radio. My lil brother is droned out to sleepiness, and goes to beauty kingdom, where Thomas the train awaits him.

Okay-so what now? Yeah, lets watch a movie-then we don't need to bore ourselves watching each other. There is only so many times we can see a person scratch like a monkey and think he is a missing link to the hypothesis of Evolution, and it is not like any of us believe that anyway.

So what can we do? Okay cards, lets play poker-get the peanuts -we are going to use them as money.
My word, I dislike salted peanuts, please win these distateful morsefuls from me, please.
Crap, I won, how did that happen?
I shall pawn them of on my teen brother.

SO. Now my butt hurts form sitting down. Yes. Lets go outside. Lets play hide in seek..

Wait! We need a weapon. So we can stab the person we found-oh hoo hoo. Yes. *gleams*
So this will be like Olly'Olly'Oxen-free. or whatever you call it.
Grabs #2 brother-we need his light saber.

Okay, who is it first? OH oh! PIck me pick me! I want the lightsaber!
....okay Adri is now it.
Lets go off. First we must kill the mom, oh yes.
Now, who next? The brother 2, he is too smart, slash( Yoda voice-'MAY the force be with you.')
Now dad-awe carpafish. He is safe. Okay so where is 3 brother? Hmm. Oh! there he is. IN a tree-barefooted? IN the dark?? Crazy brother.
Chase-all through back yard. Run through a fence-hear a funny sound. Umm..What was that??
Tag brother. Kill him with lightsaber.
Brother has a gash in chest 3 inches long, 1/3rd cent deep. Ouch!
MY fault. I chased him into the fence with a pointy edge.

Okay, now what? It is only like 10pm.
Brother #2!!! We need your other lightsaber-!!! The Luke Skywalker one!

Yes yes! Lets go into the front yard.
Okay, so how you play is just start lightsaber battling and if a body part is hit, you no longer have it. SO if a arm is slashed. You can no onger use it.

Mom style-Stick lightsaber away from body as far as possible and try to block attacks.
Dad style- wack uncontrollably like a insane man. IN downward motion, don't look just keep slashing, You'll win eventually.
Bro 2 style- slow tactics, grab lightsaber, walk off with it-it's yours anyway
Bro 3 style- I know what I am doing-heck yes. I pwn. 3 minutes and I win. You die.
Adri style- Pretend to be Kenobi-slightly succesfully, and beat everyone but 3rd bro and then fall in dirt.

Doing this in the front yard is great. There is about 15 neighbors houses nearby.
Let them see what we are made of. Yes.

Neighbor:
What are you people doing?
Us:
Oh, well just playing. It is very fun.
*slashes in background*

*Puzzled look*
Nb:Okay
Um, see ya.

So next time it was war with these flags. We run around victorously with these Chilliwackian flags.
No one beats us, oh yeah. We are so cool.

NO one agrees. Heck no one else wants to say anything.

Hmm. Well I am moving out of my parents house in a little over a month. Yikes. I have no money so I need to find a job fast. Real fast. This could really hurt my chances at school. Maybe I'll just be a LPN? That would suck but it would be better then never accomplishing anything at school. I will see. This means I will be saying hello to student loans. No Hurraying here. *sigh*

I am supposed to be studying for my Final in a couple hours. Meh.

Yesterday was pretty stupid. I decsided(sp) to bike to school, because I want to be all healthy and such, and well,, I lost my bike key after locking my bike, so I was stuck at school for a couple extra hours. I was put out considerably. I went got a metal clamp shutter to break the chain, and went home while it was pouring rain. The beautiful thing was the rainbow that was out the whole way.

The day was so icky, I just prayed to God to keep the rainbow out until I got home, and he did, and the left end of the rainbow was behind my parents house, so it was neat.

Then the day didn't seem so bad. I have been doubting my beliefs and wondering if I am a christian? Can you be a hypocrite and a christian at the same time? That is what I am, I haven't wanted to face up to my parents since I turned 18 about myself and such so have been lieing to save my face, so I finally admitted some stuff when I knew I could hid it no longer. I felt pretty suicidal last week I admit.

My parents are great. Probably the best that I know.
Of course before they were christians I have bad memories, but it doesn't hurt so much because I know they are sorry about it.
I did kind of screw them. I have no close relationship with my parents because I made a lie of the tangible one we had.
Living on my own will be a reality chceck for me, so I am sure if I don't get worse I can only get better. :(

Dear God have mercy on me.

Arthritis is acting up, the annoying bugger -(the pain) and now my stupid night time allusions are coming back. It is rather awful, it gets where I am screaming and biting my tounge in wrath. My own face is mocking me in a uncontrollable frenzy.

Anyway-better go study. :)