No Bravery

It has been a good long time since i have felt like writing in here. Often times I am so moody or depressed or bored of computers that I really don't want to write in here. Last time I read in this journal I was a little bit disappointed with how I am turning out as a grown up. Seems I had a lot more morals back then. Why am I letting them go?

This month was pretty good, I don't feel nearly as bad as I have past years. I remember that last year was extremely rough and that I slept a lot- I also remember the summer was really good! I really grew up in a way that summer. First time not having as much parent say etc.. and such but then I don't know...I have never been a really bad rebel- well I have been a closet rebel to put it more to the point. Have always wanted it to look that I am looking for a high ideal but enjoying being rather far from perfect.

Right now I am thinking about my mom and how well she seems to balance everything out- to be a realist, have a faith, acknowledge her weaknesses but still have everybody like her for herself! She's real! I.. not so much.

...but then I have cleaned up and sometimes I am very proud of that fact- I think I see in my mind to understand some of what I am and doing much better and admit it even though it really upsets me. I hate that almost every day I want to smoke or whatever all those things that damage your body but are fun... but so not good. :(

I went for a very very VERY short bikeride today- went out the door went a few metres and had a flat tire. *la sigh* So it means I ended up going for a walk.


I'm extremely annoyed at getting pudgy!!! Not cool! Oh well I suppose I should maybe..just maybe stop eating!!1 BUT I LOVE FOOD!!! NOOOO! :(


Derrick is very very silly. :P